Do you yell when you want to be heard? Do you say nasty things to your love one to get attention or a reaction? I want you to know right now that yelling isn’t communication. My husband and I grew up in homes where yelling, shouting and sarcasm was a standard way to communicate. And we will both tell you we love our families, just not the way our parents chose to communicate. When we started our marriage, whenever something was really important to me, I yelled. When my husband didn’t respond, I yelled louder insisting that we resolve the issue here and now.
Bless my husband for not putting up with this behavior. He found the words to tell me that he agreed that this yelling behavior matched what we learned growing up but that wasn’t what he wanted for our relationship.
Wow. I had some changes to make. I learned to plan our talks, to let my husband know what was on my mind and plan for a later conversation when we both had a chance to prepare for a productive conversation. This was hard and took lots of practice. Sometimes I had to calm down and say “this is important and I need to talk it through now” and sometimes I could say “here are the three things I’d like to talk about in the next day or two”. Then we planned the time to talk. Compromise on approaches works for us and we both are glad that our yelling days are mostly behind us.
When I do lose my temper. I pray about it. It is always helpful to ask God to help me figure out the right words. I ask forgiveness and try to sort through what I really want to talk about. Then my husband and I plan for our communication time.
Let us pray. Oh God, please help us to lovingly forgive each other and include you in all our conversations. Through Jesus our Lord. Amen.
Love, Mymom
Author: someoneelsesmom
We don’t need to fix each other
This is a really good post about our prayer for each other and for acceptance and understanding. We can’t change each other but we can change our own attitude and ourselves. Let us pray: Oh God, help me to look at myself and my own attitude for what needs to change to improve my relationships. In Jesus name. Amen.
Love,
Mymom
Good relationships start with good communication
In order to have a good relationship, you have to be able to talk with the other person in your relationship. You share your feelings, your hopes, your dreams. You share the very best of yourself in a vulnerable way. Never assume that you understand, always check for meaning and respect what you hear as confidential and vulnerable. Take good care of each other’s words. Sometimes you’ll need to vent. Always clarify that you are venting and you don’t need a solution to any problem, you are just venting. When you feel angry, say so and ask for time to yourself to regroup and compose yourself. Continuing an angry conversation is not likely to turn out well. Communication is two way. It includes speaking and listening. Remember to breathe and have courage.
Your relationships with people will be better if you develop your relationship with God through prayer and listening. Ask God to help you with your words and to help you listen to understand. Pray in the moment for your conversation. God, give us the words we need to share.
Your relationships with people will be better if you look at your interior self talk. Do you speak kindly to yourself? Do you take care of yourself through prayer and time with God? Do you eat right, exercise, and rest? I heard recently of a priest giving a penance of taking a nap to someone who was struggling in a relationship and mentioned their concerns during reconciliation. Great idea! Take care of yourself and your communication with others will be better. Avoid acting like a tired two year old.
There have been many times in my marriage when my communication with my husband and/or my children was like that of a tired two year old. I wasn’t at my best but rather at my worst. Here is where forgiveness comes into play. We won’t always be at or best and we need to try to listen for understanding and be loving and forgiving. We need to say we are sorry and ask for forgiveness. Then we need to plan a better time and try again. Keep communicating, keep trying. Share a list of items you want to discuss in advance so that you can both think through your thoughts and be prepared for open communication.
Let us pray, oh God, please bless our communication with each other. Help us to listen and hear with ears of love, understanding, and forgiveness. Help us to speak with kindness and clarity as we seek to be understood. Help us not to blame. Help us in all our communication through Jesus our Lord. Amen.
Love, Mymom
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Waiting too long to ask
Are you taking your relationship for granted? Pope Francis recently asked young people to have the courage to get married. It does take courage and love and faith to take the leap and get married. Christian marriage takes preparation counseling, planning, bringing two families together. It can get really complicated and people everywhere telling the couple it can’t be done. I tell you it can be done. If you want to be married, seek out couples who are married for advice and stop asking your single friends. We may make it look easy but I assure you it takes work and love and commitment everyday. It takes forgiveness and humor. It takes prayer. So don’t wait too long. Make your commitment to each other. Love each other enough to be vulnerable and trust that your future will unfold and God will be there for both of you.
Oh Heavenly Father, please bless the couples who want to make their commitment but hesitate looking for the “right” time. Help them to seek your blessing and enter into marriage with you as their center through Jesus Christ Our Lord. Amen.
Love,
Mymom
Healthy body weight
As you grow From teen into your adult self, your body changes. For women, your hips and thighs fill out and take on a more womanly shape. For men, your chest fills out and you take on a more manly shape. You will gain a few pounds. This transition is hard for some people who want to stay in their teen age shape. Truth is, the only way to stay in your teen age shape is with unhealthy eating and exercise habits which may lead to an eating disorder.
It is normal to go from teen sizes to adult sizes in clothing increasing 1-2 sizes. How much is too much? I recommend talking to your doctor or using a website like http://www.healthcentral.com which has a simple to use ideal body weight calculator. If you are in your healthy body range, congratulations. If not, ask your doctor for a plan that may help you. It really isn’t about weight, it is more about healthy eating habits and regular exercise. Healthy eating includes 3 -4 fruit, lots of vegetables, 8 ounces of protein, 2 -3 dairy and 2-3 whole grains daily. I’m short so I’m on the lower end of the range. Men will need to add a serving or two in those ranges. Healthy exercise is 30-60 minutes a day that includes cardio and strength training. I do 30 – 40 minutes of walking each day or 60 minutes if biking. I also do 10-15 minutes of push-ups and squats for my weight training each day. Apps I find helpful are myfitnesspal and 7-minute workout by Lolo.
Let us pray, Dear Heavenly Father, help me to take time with you in prayer each day, to eat healthy and exercise sufficiently as to be well. Thank you for my health. Thank you for this new day. In Jesus name. Amen.
Love,
Mymom
Give 200 percent
In relationships, give 200 percent and prayerfully seek the person who will give 200 percent. There is no 50/50 in a good relationship which leads to a good marriage. 50/50 says that I have expectations that we will each give half way to make us whole. In fact we each need to give 100 percent, better yet 200 percent. I’m all into this marriage. I’m my husbands biggest fan and he is mine. I am the person God chose to be my husband’s partner. God counts on us each day to be His eyes, ears, hands, and feet to accomplish His work as a team. God gave us each other. 200 percent. Let us pray.. Oh God, You are the source of our strength. Be with us and help us to see you in our good times and to allow You to see us through our bad times. In Jesus name. Amen. Mary mother of God, pray for us. St Joseph, pray for us. May we model our marriage after the Holy Family.
Love,
Mymom
Cold Weather
I ride the light rail train to work each day. This winter has been challenging as we have had more cold weather than I can ever remember. This morning was -6 degrees Fahrenheit with wind chills to -20. I remember the first day of sub zero. It was very cold like today. The governor shut down the state and closed the schools and we were all glad. Now, to be honest, it doesn’t seem all that cold. I guess I’m use to it now.
I think pornography or bad language is like the cold. At first it shocks us but after being bombarded by the sights and sounds, we just get used to it. It is still every bit as cold and shocking but now our senses are use to the cold and the shock. Unlike the cold which will go away, the bad words and images which surround us are always there. Be careful what you get use to.
Oh Heavenly Father, help us to pay attention to the things around us. To bundle ourselves and protect us from anything that would harm us. Keep our eyes and ears fixed on you. Through Jesus your son. Amen
Love,
Mymom
Ask Mary
John 19:26-27 When Jesus then saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to His mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then He said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” From that hour the disciple took her into his own household.
Jesus gave us His mother as our spiritual mother. Jesus is God. Mary is His mother, therefore, Mary is the Mother of God. God asks us to honor our father and mother. He honors His own mother and listens to her. Jesus brought His mother to heaven with Him. She intercedes for us and leads us to her Son, Jesus. I honor his mother and I ask for her prayers, just like I ask you to pray for me. Mary listens. She cares for us as our spiritual mother. She is always there to listen.
It occurs to me that the devil doesn’t like the close relationship Mary has with Jesus. He also knows how influential she is. If the devil can make us think Mary is insignificant, then he cuts us off from the Spiritual mother who cares for us and can lead us close to her Son, Jesus.
I love the Hail Mary prayer. “Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen”
I say this prayer knowing who Mary is; the mother of God. I worship her Son Jesus. When you are troubled, remember to ask me to pray for you. Remember to ask Mary to pray for you. Mary listens and Jesus listens to His Mother. God Bless You and may Mary pray for your needs.
Love,
Mymom
Abortion and choice
When I was a teenager in the 70’s, I imagined what I would do if I got pregnant before marriage. I told my boyfriend that I would leave him for sure if that happened. I wouldn’t want to feel like he stayed just because I was pregnant. I knew I would move away from all those I held dear and get a new start with my baby in a new city. Fortunately, that didn’t happen to me. We went on to marry and have our children in God’s good time. But why did I feel so independent about my choice options. Why wouldn’t I choose to run to my Heavenly Father who loves me and to my earthly family who loves me and the boy who loved me then and loves me still. In my most troubled thoughts or times in my life, I always picture myself alone. That is just how the enemy attacks. He isolates us in our own thoughts, he separates us in our despair from the very ones who love us and can give us comfort, Dear Heavenly Father. Comfort us each in our lonely despair. Help us to run to you and those who love to wrap their loving arms around us to comfort us. In Jesus name. Amen.
Love,
Mymom
Post Abortion Syndrome
On abortion and choice. When you think about your choices, please remember that I respect you. In my desire to protect your feelings, I may not always say or do the right things but for all of you who suffer the results and regret of abortion, I pray for you, I love you and I respect you. If you have chosen abortion at any time in your life, you have my deep sympathy for your loss. They told you at the clinic it would be over soon and you would never have to think of it again. Yet here you are. Thinking if it many times each day. You see a child of a certain age. Walk by a toy store or drive by an elementary school. You regret. You wish you could go back. You stuff those feelings. You cry but only on the inside. It isn’t popular to share your pain or to talk about the child that you lost. They told you that it would be over soon and you wouldn’t have to tell anyone and that you would forget. I’m so very sorry. I love you and your Heavenly Father loves you. Let us pray… Dear Heavenly Father, Please help this grieving parent to forgive his or herself and to forgive anyone involved in the death of the child. Please heal the deep hurt inside. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Love,
Mymom
http://www.rachelsvineyard.org
http://silentnomoreawareness.org
Advice From MyMom 