How do I agree to disagree and move on respectfully?

Arrrg! I disagree with this decision you are making! It impacts me and I know you heard me but did you really hear me? I don’t want this direction to be a mistake. It will cost us money and time. We/you don’t have the experience needed.

Does this thought process sound familiar? Sometimes the littlest decisions can be big and divisive. Sometimes big decisions can be divisive too. When my husband makes a decision that I don’t agree with, I have trouble letting go. He is my best friend. I respect him. He is knowledgeable. I trust him. I ask his advice on many things. I tell him everything. And yet, when I disagree, it is hard to let go and let him make a decision and support the direction he is choosing to set.

What we try to do is let each other lead decisions that align with our expertise. My husband loves to do infinite research for making major purchases. I don’t have the patience for that so I will give him my wishes like I want a red car with 4 doors and a sun roof and I want us to buy it in the next 3-4 weeks. He will do the research and get it done.

I take care of all the monthly bill paying. I’m efficient and I work well with all the online accounts and I keep things paid on time. I also work with repair people for scheduling work at the house.

We have found our areas of responsibility and trust each other. A couple of areas are still difficult for us to agree on. We have learned to compromise for most of those areas.

Once in a while, we simply disagree. I find that when either of us take the disagreement personally, that can lead to a standoff. In these cases, we both lose. There may be consequences for incorrect decisions. There may be unexpected gains from good decisions.

If we disagree, it is good to hear each other’s point of view and then make the decision agreeing to disagree. Support each other in these decisions and always apologize if in an argument, I forgot to listen and support. In the worst case, we will lose a little money or time.

Perhaps the way to handle the situation is to trust that the outcome will lie somewhere between the best case and the worst case and we will learn to listen and trust each other all the more.  And we might learn a lesson or two.

But… As anyone who knows me knows, I sure do like to get my way. I thank God for a patient, loving, supportive, smart, and faithful husband.

God, please help me to let go of control and trust others, especially my husband. Help me to know that in all cases, You are there. Help me to learn to share my opinion and trust others to listen and make their best decision with the information they have. Help me to be supportive. Thank you for your guidance through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen

Love,

Mymom

Choose Your Attitude!

An oldie but goodie… your brother recently mentioned the FISH book that I read to all of you about a dozen years ago when you were all still home. He wanted me to know that he is choosing to like his work and he likes interacting with his customers and helping them with their moves (he is working for a moving company). He asked me if I like my work and I had to pause and think about that. Too often, I can see only the obstacles and fail to see all the positives. It is really important to live in the present and I often get caught up in future and what if thinking. So, do you remember the 4 principles of the FISH philosophy? Be There (Be present), Make their day, Choose your attitude, Have fun (play). Thanks to the reminder, I’m having more fun today. Here is the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cHj6Wj0pko  and the link to the book: FISH, A Proven Way to Boost Morale and Improve Results by Lundin, Paul and Christensen, https://www.amazon.com/Fish-Proven-Morale-Improve-Results/dp/0786866020/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1475604961&sr=1-1&keywords=fish+a+proven+way+to+boost+morale+and+improve+results

Oh God, help us to be present where we are this day, in this moment.  Help us to see those around us and pay attention to their needs, be there for them, and make their day.  Help us to choose our attitude and see how we can have fun with the work we have to do this day.  Thank you God for our work, for our co-workers, we pray for each of them and each other through Christ our Lord, Amen.

Love,

Mymom

 

Replacing Bad Habits with Good Ones

Replace your bad habits or addictions with positive ones.  We all have bad habits to overcome.  Some of us stay up too late, drink too much, smoke, game too much, eat too much, fail to pray, fail to exercise, fail to go to church, show up late, interrupt others or fail to listen.  Our self-talk about our failures is very negative.  Sometimes we are not honest with ourselves and make excuses for our behavior and procrastinate the change we know we need to make.

Prayer, study, exercise, eating right, taking the dog for a walk, reading a good book. When you feel the urge to use tobacco, drink, game too much or any other negative behavior, think about the positive things you could do instead and create good habits. 
Forgive yourself, make sure your self-talk is positive, and choose to create positive habits.  Focus on your prayer life first.  Ask God for help.  He will help you and you can do this.

Romans 5:8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Oh God, help us to overcome bad habits and especially addictive behavior that hid us back from living the full life you have planned for us.  With Your help, we can replace our bad habits with good ones and better serve You through Jesus Christ Our Lord.  Amen

Love, Mymom

Living in the Present with Patience, hard work and Love

I am so delighted to see your progress.  You’ve gotten engaged after patiently cultivating your relationship.  Persistently seeing your future in front of you.  You didn’t give up on each other and now you can enjoy your engagement and plan your marriage.  I love seeing your happiness.

You’ve gotten that promotion that you have worked hard for and thought would never come.  You showed up every day.  You did your best job each day and now, you are seeing fruit from your labor.

You’ve finished another semester and you persevered through that class that was so hard for you.  I’m so proud of your efforts.  You are another step closer to your degree.

You had a difficult semester.  Now you are picking yourself up and planning your next steps forward.  I know this is hard for you and I believe that you can find your way.  You’ll need to think through your options and explore your path.  You can do this.

Your friends are all starting to buy houses, have kids, adopt pets, getting better jobs… it is easy to compare and wish and feel dissatisfied.  Your self talk can become bitter,  envious or it can be content and joy-filled as you help your friends celebrate their successes.  You will achieve your own dreams in your own time.  Be patient.

As the year comes to an end, it is natural for us to look back and assess where we have come.  We can easily brush past our joys and focus instead our sorrows or mistakes, on that pound or two that we didn’t take off, on the debt that we didn’t make as much progress on as we hoped.

What I say to you is that  December 31 is really just another day.  January 1, follows.  What really matters is how I live each day.  Setting my goals and then living to fulfill those goals one day at a time.  Serving God, serving my neighbor, and living in gratitude for all that I have and all that I get to be.

My prayer for you as one year ends and another begins is that you may live in the present moment.  Never wishing away a single minute.  Do the work you have to do this day.  Appreciate the joys and help each other through the sorrows.  Your attitude is your choice and your future depends on how you live this present moment.

Each morning, look back at yesterday for what you have to learn and then let it go.  Pause a moment and think about tomorrow and the direction you are heading.  Then let it be in the future.  Look at how you want to live today, plan today and then act.  Live each moment:  See, feel, hear, smell, taste.  Let your moments be alive and live them with intention.

Don’t be afraid to work hard, ask for help and reach for your dreams.

Dear God, help each of us to live in the present.  Help us to see you in our lives and walk each day with you.  Help us to thank you for all that you do for us.  Help us to be patient as your plan for us unfolds.  Help us to love others.  Help us to be truly ourselves as we trust in you.  God bless the coming year one day at a time in Jesus name.  Amen.

Love, Mymom

 

Addictions or False Gods

How I wish I could help you with your addiction!   It is easy to see the addictions in others.  Unfortunately, addictions are difficult to recognize in ourselves.  We all fall prey to addictions.   You might be addicted to video games, gambling, TV, shopping, people, sex, have an eating disorder, be a workaholic, an alcoholic, be addicted to prescription drugs, tobacco, chewing tobacco, food, exercise, the list goes on and on.  If you are addicted to one thing, you are most likely susceptible to other addictions.

Addictions are anything we obsess about and put as most important in our lives.  Addictions are our false Gods.  They prevent us from seeing what God wants us to do today or prevent us from turning to God in our need.  When I am troubled and should be turning to God in prayer, asking for His help, I turn instead to TV, shopping, video games, tobacco, or any number of false Gods.

The best remedy for your addiction that I know of is recognizing it.  Seeing that we are putting something or someone before God.  Then we need to seek him in prayer.  There is something that God wants us to do today.  Our addictions prevent us from praying and seeking the will of God in our lives.

For very difficult issues like alcoholism, see the Twelve Step program.  http://www.aa.org/.  See also the book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.  You may benefit from counseling regarding your addiction.  Has it taken over your life so that you can’t function without it?  Seek help.

The first commandment that God gave to Moses was “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.  You shall have no other gods before me.”   Exodus 20:1-2

In Matthew’s Gospel 22:37-38, Jesus tells us “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.”

God wants to help us.  He wants to be our light and our salvation.  Pay attention to who or what you turn to when you are stressed, troubled, hurting, anxious… Turn to God in prayer.  Spend time with God and He will give you rest.

Dear God, help us to see our addictions.  Help us to see the areas of our life where we need healing.  Help us to seek you in all things and to turn away from our addictions or false gods.  Help us to seek you and you alone, through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.

Love and prayers,

Mymom

 

 

How am I doing at work?

My advice is – Don’t compare yourself to others. Whatever your job is, do your best each day and ask for help when you need it. If you do that and you enjoy most days, then you may be in the right place at the right time and the experience is good. Keep in perspective what is within your control and what isn’t. Be sure to track your wins each day so they aren’t taken for granted. Then when you have an opportunity for performance review, you have your notes to work with. Even challenging situations are an opportunity to track how you turned around or dealt with a challenging situation. This can be used for your weekly meeting with your boss, performance reviews and for resumes. I always have a list of 2-3 things to tell my boss and any open questions that I have when I meet with him.

Let us pray, Oh God, thank you for our opportunities. keep us focused on today and today’s interactions. Help us to build good relationships, let go of yesterday, and let tomorrow be in your capable hands.
We ask for your peace through Christ our Lord. Amen

What you don’t talk about will not go away

There are very important topics that need to be part if your conversations if you are moving your relationship to a life-long commitment. Marriage, Faith, Religion, Children, Family, Property, Budget, Work, Schedules. It isn’t all about where we go to dinner anymore. It becomes about how we live our lives together toward our mutual benefit and serving God as we build a life together. How do we open our communication to start including these important topics? What do we do when we disagree? Conversations start getting hard. It is important to find your common ground. Don’t tackle every hard issue at once. Make a list of things important to you and begin to bring these subjects up. Make note of the differences and seek to listen and understand. Remember that issues you don’t discuss now will be issues for you in 5 years, 15 years, and in 50 years. Be brave. Aren’t the two of you worth it?
Oh God. Please help me to be brave and talk about the big topics in our relationship and help us to find our way to our life-long relationship based on our love for each other with you as our foundation. In Jesus name. Amen.

Love, Mymom

Goal setting

Did you know that you are a treasure? There is no one else with your gifts, your talents, your DNA. Your life will have many options along the way. You may work very hard to achieve a goal. If you achieve your goal, good for you! Maybe you wanted to run a race or pass a class or get a certain job. You planned it, you did the preparation, you did the work. The finish line is just ahead. You achieve the goal and it feels good. But there is a hollow feel to it. You want more. That is because you didn’t begin with prayer, listen in your heart to God’s response first and then plan your path to your goal. And there is more. When you achieve your goal, Thank God. Really, really Thank God. Oh Heavenly Father, please speak to me your words of truth as I plan my goals and as I achieve each goal, let me run to you with thanks and praise through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Love,
Mymom