Death

Clarence Rief Eulogy

Clarence Thomas Rief nicknamed Clark by his childhood friends, was born in Manitowoc, Wisconsin in 1935.  His mother, Martha raised her two sons, Clarence and Jack with the help of her parents and sisters since his father, also named Clarence died in a car accident before Clarence was born.  Clarence grew up helping his mother make ends meet by doing odd jobs like paper routes.  Clarence had many friends.  One friend Larry Burkhart met Clarence in kindergarten, and they remained friends for 85 years.  Larry was so sorry to hear of Clarence’s death.  Clarence met Barbara, the little sister of his friend Bob Senglaub in high school.  They married in 1957 and moved to Moline, Il after Clarence graduated from Marquette University and took his first and only job with John Deere.  Free time involved golfing at Mill Creek country club and taking his family to Lake Osakis Minnesota for vacations in the summer. 

Clarence moved his family to West Des Moines in 1975 for a promotion at the John Deere plant in Ankeny. He taught each of the kids to drive.  All of his children were sent to catholic schools and were given their expenses for their first two years of college.  He taught his kids the importance of financial management by having them write the checks to pay the bills for him to sign and balance his checkbook.  He wanted his children to be self sufficient and strong people.  When friends would call on the phone, Clarence would answer with “Is this call really necessary? And the friend was expected to explain.   Clarence liked dogs and cats.  The last dog was named Tory.  She was the best dog and she was truly Clarence’s best friend for 13 years. 

Clarence and Barbara enjoyed 54 years of marriage.  After retiring early from John Deere in 1992, they enjoyed trips to Washington, Colorado, Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Arizona visiting their children and grandchildren.  They lived in West Des Moines from April through October and Horseshoe Bay, Texas from November through March.  They had many dear friends that went out to meals together and traveled together.  Clarence lost Barbara in 2012.  He took care of her as her health failed and missed her greatly.   

After Barbara died, Clarence picked up her job of sending birthday and anniversary cards to each of his children and grandchildren.  He never missed any high school graduations.  His hobbies continued to be golfing and raising Kohlrabi and tomatoes in his yard.  He attended daily mass helping with lecturing and serving.  He renewed a friendship with Rita who he knew from high school.  Rita had lost her husband shortly after he had lost his wife.  Their friendship involved daily phone calls and visits to Wisconsin to see her.  He read the paper faithfully, did house projects, and kept his yard until he was 89 years old. 

The last 16 months of his life, he suffered from Alzheimer’s.  This affected his short-term memory and cognitive skills.  When he left his home in October 2024, he began living with each of his children for a few months.  Each family really treasured the opportunity to help with his care and share in his life.  In August 2025, he moved to Minnesota to live with Jane Marie and Mike.  In December he moved to St Therese Memory Care in Woodbury.  He told his friend Rita that he couldn’t think of a better place to live at this stage of his life.  He enjoyed eating his meals with his new friends, Robert and Dan. 

Jane Marie remembers Clarence and Barbara visiting and going out to see plays with them.  They really enjoyed the British comedies at the Old Log Theatre.  She also remembers golfing with Dad and how patient he was.  He would explain why her shots could be better in a way that was encouraging.  On a golf course, he was in his element. 

Mike remembers the joy of watching a good game of football with Dad. 

Terry and Alyssa remember hearing Tom and his dad talk 3, 4, 5 times on the phone during every Green Bay Packer game, every year.  They would talk about how good or how terrible they were playing.   It was such a special bond between father and son even on occasional days when Clark would say “ok, I’m gonna hang up now”.  Now Alyssa shares this same passion with her own dad and likes watching the games.

Terry’s memory is of Clarence and Barbara driving down to Arizona for visits giving an arrival time.  They would arrive early as Terry was getting the house ready and find her still vacuuming the house. 

Julia remembers Grandpa giving her whisker rubs before he shaved his face when he visited when she was little.  Grandpa would yell at us for slamming cupboards and doors; definitely classic grandpa, and now understands why it bothered him so much.  She also remembers in 2014, she drove down from college to visit Grandpa on St Valentines Day.  They went to church and out to dinner. 

Jonathan remembers climbing the tree at the West Des Moines house and getting paid for picking up bags of pine cones.  Jonathan liked spending a week during the summer at Grandpa and Grandma’s house.  They took him to the state fair and treated him to his first funnel cake.  Jonathan remembers golfing with Grandpa and watching golfing.  One year, Jonathan’s dad, Mike and Jonathan went on a spring break road trip to Texas to see Grandma and Grandpa.  Jonathan wrote Grandpa thank you letters for holiday money gifts and he remembers the 6 page letter that Grandpa wrote of  life recommendations and wisdom for Jonathan’s graduation from high school. 

Joseph also remembers climbing the tree in Grandpa’s front yard, being scolded for using too much toilet paper (something we all remembered), and being scolded for being in the nice living room.  Joseph loved going to Grandpa’s and Grandma’s house and looking at all their figurines.  When Joseph was working as a mover, he stopped at Grandpa’s house when he was traveling through West Des Moines in a big moving truck.  They went out to lunch.  Grandpa’s favorite place was The Waterfront where he would order Seafood Gumbo. 

Samantha remembers making squash at Jane Marie and Mike’s house.  Grandpa asked what that delicious smell was.  When we told him it was squash, he couldn’t believe it.  We asked him to try it and he said “Oh no, I’m not eating vegetables”. 

Teddy and Liam remember being told to quiet down and they remember visiting Great Grandpa at his Memory Care apartment.  Teddy called it Great Grandpa’s little resort. 

Dan Dillenburg remembers hearing his Grandpa singing the song “Oh Lord, It’s Hard to be Humble When You’re Perfect in Every Way”. 

Alyssa remembers the 50th Wedding anniversary party in Iowa, his 80th birthday celebration at the cabin in Payson, phone calls to say thank you when he would send money for birthdays, and his 90th birthday celebration with family in Minnesota.

Sam remembers smoking a pipe with Grandpa at the cabin.  They’d mostly just observe the silence, and it always felt peaceful in a way that only being with Grandpa could bring. 

Jennifer remembers many Thanksgivings and Christmases, watching golf, watching football, going to the Bierstube for root beers, and Grandpa bringing tomatoes that he grew in his yard.  He would ask if we wanted tomatoes and bring a giant bag. 

Harrington, Gwendolyn, Galatia, and Gisele liked how when we were together for holidays, the cat played with Great Grandpa’s shoelaces and then the kids would play with his shoelaces too.  They remember visiting Great Grandpa at his apartment and bringing him art projects to share. 

Vicki and Rich will always treasure the memories of Clark being at their cabin in Arizona, sitting on the deck with a cocktail and enjoying good conversation and nature.

Michelle remembers when she was little and wanted mac and cheese, he’d give her a hard time saying its “poor people food”.  Also showing up to meet all the great grand kids after they were born. 

Nick remembers that one of the last times that he saw Grandpa, having met Nick’s fiancé, her sisters and his brothers, Grandpa whispered in his ear as he was leaving to “look out for your clan, keep them together”.  It was really very moving. 

Clarence lived a good life.  He was fun to be around.  He challenged each of us and insisted that we not be dependent on him but rather treated us like the good adults he expected us to be.  We each love and miss him so much and appreciate having him in our lives. 

Lessons from Lois

My friend Lois died yesterday afternoon of old age. She was 97 and a joyful person all the many years that I knew her. For the last dozen years or so, Lois was blind from macular degeneration. For the last 2.5 years, she was in memory care. Prior to that, she lived in her home lovingly cared for by her children, grandchildren and home Healthcare staff. I rarely heard Lois complain if ever.. She might say something self criticizing for her weight which was a struggle for her. Or,, I might hear her say “I could complain but what good would that do me”. During COVID-19 lockdown, I couldn’t see her but I could call her on the phone and chat. It was difficult to tell if she knew who I was or if the many questions she asked were her way to cover her confusion. I loved those talks. Lois was always an encourager, helping me to see the positives in the day. When I would say goodbye and wish her a good day, she would say it was a wonderful day already because I had called.

I met Lois when I met her two daughters Barb and Beth and the rest of the Higgins family as a teenager. Barb, Beth, and I have been lifelong friends. Lois was always cheerful, interested, listened with compassion and generally helped me to feel good about myself. She believed that you offer your advice only when it was really needed. I needed that advice on more than one occasion. My husband and I made it a practice to visit Lois and her husband Dick whenever we were in Des Moines, usually 3-4 times a year. When our children were young, they came with us and visiting the Higgins house is a good memory for them. We were always welcome. When I was in my 30s, I had a tendency to complain about my mother and my mother in law for one thing or another. Lois let me know that wasn’t ok. She said that she didn’t go for the “blame your parents” theme of the time and encouraged me to see that my parents were doing the best they could and I needed to be thankful. Lois rarely corrected me so I was taken aback. I hadn’t realized that my comments sounded so negative. I learned to appreciate my mother and my mother in law in a new way and developed a close relationship with each of them that I cherish. I thank Lois for that revelation and for guiding me to treasure the women that I loved so much.

My memories of Lois include how warm and welcoming her house always was. I always felt like I belonged. She remembered my birthdays and always asked about my parents, my husband, and my children. Lois and her husband Dick, who died in 2013 were a model of a good marriage to us. When my husband Michael and I coached engaged couples for 20 years, we used little stories of how we saw Dick and Lois live out a good marriage. I knew they had arguments like everyone else but they didn’t have those arguments in public. We learned to be supportive of each other and save tough conversations for private time

I lost both my mother in law and my mother in 2012. Lois was a comfort to me. In her later years, she forgot that they were gone and she would ask me about them. For a brief moment, they would be there before I reminded Lois that they had died. My dad died in 2019 the same day that Lois lost her son Doug. Their funerals were on the same day in different states. I couldn’t imagine her pain and hoped that her dementia would ease her pain as she lived mentally in earlier times.

While life has given Lois many challenges, she always focused on the blessings and a positive way to respond. She also always left others with a positive thought. She has been an important role model in my life and I will miss her. From Lois to all of us, listen with love, encourage others, do what you can, don’t take yourself too seriously, be willing to lovingly say what needs to be said, argue if you must and do it in private, look at the positives and live this day joyfully.

Love and prayers,

Mymom

Now that my dad is gone

I recently posted about losing my dad.  He was 90 years old and had lived a life filled with challenges and lots of blessings too.  He was raised during the depression.  He was a teenager during world war 2.  He experienced the promise of the 1950s, he voted for Kennedy, and he voted for Nixon, and he voted for Regan, and he voted in every election of his adult life.  He saw man first walk on the moon.  He watched his children grow up.  He watched his grand children grow up.  He even watched some of his great grandchildren grow into their teen years.  His oldest great grandchild was 17 and his youngest great grandchild was one month old at the time of his death.  My dad knew hunger, cold, joy, accomplishment, love, pain, work, and faith.  My point now is that he lived a long life.  I should be happy for him that he not suffer any more and of course I am.  I still miss him.

About a week before he died, I was able to have a priest from St Anne’s church visit him.  Father Tom stopped by on a Friday morning annointing with the sacrament of the sick (which includes forgiveness for any sins committed) and bringing him communion.  That day, dad was ready to see Father Tom, unlike the June visit at the hospital when he definitely wasn’t ready.  When I called dad that day, he was happy and told me to be sure to call Father Tom and thank him.  I did send a personal thank you note a few weeks later to let Father Tom know his visit and prayer had helped my dad to have a peaceful last week.

I feel gratitude for many things.  I’m grateful for both of my parents.  I’m grateful for the legacy of church and family.   I’m grateful for the lovely funeral that we were able to have for him.  I’m grateful for the people from St Frances who helped, the funeral home, my brothers and all my family.  I’m grateful or the birthday party that we had for him in October.  I’m grateful that we could bring our sons to see my dad on New Year’s Day that week and share the afternoon with him.  I’m grateful for each family member.  I’m grateful that I could visit my dad so often, even visiting the day before he died.

My sadness comes from a place of gratitude for having been his daughter and missing that relationship.  I believe he is with Jesus now.  I believe that although he wasn’t perfect, God forgave him and welcomed him into Heaven where he met my mom and so many relatives and friends that his joy would be overwhelming.  He was my dad.  I hope that he forgives me for needing the help of a long term care facility for his care.  I hope that he is praying for each of us and interceding for our needs.  I hope he will be able to oversee our steps as my brothers and I figure out how to be real grown ups without him.   With our mom and dad with our Father in Heaven, maybe we never really need to be grownups.  We can always be God’s children.

Oh God, please alow my my father and mother  to rest in peace and may perpetual light shine upon them.  Please bless my brothers, my sisters in law, my husband, our children and our grandchildren.  Help us to remember our parents with great love forgiving any failing as you have forgiven them.  Help us to work together to continue to be a loving family through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.

Love,

Mymom