Yelling Isn’t Communication

Do you yell when you want to be heard? Do you say nasty things to your love one to get attention or a reaction? I want you to know right now that yelling isn’t communication. My husband and I grew up in homes where yelling, shouting and sarcasm was a standard way to communicate. And we will both tell you we love our families, just not the way our parents chose to communicate. When we started our marriage, whenever something was really important to me, I yelled. When my husband didn’t respond, I yelled louder insisting that we resolve the issue here and now.
Bless my husband for not putting up with this behavior. He found the words to tell me that he agreed that this yelling behavior matched what we learned growing up but that wasn’t what he wanted for our relationship.
Wow. I had some changes to make. I learned to plan our talks, to let my husband know what was on my mind and plan for a later conversation when we both had a chance to prepare for a productive conversation. This was hard and took lots of practice. Sometimes I had to calm down and say “this is important and I need to talk it through now” and sometimes I could say “here are the three things I’d like to talk about in the next day or two”. Then we planned the time to talk. Compromise on approaches works for us and we both are glad that our yelling days are mostly behind us.
When I do lose my temper. I pray about it. It is always helpful to ask God to help me figure out the right words. I ask forgiveness and try to sort through what I really want to talk about. Then my husband and I plan for our communication time.
Let us pray. Oh God, please help us to lovingly forgive each other and include you in all our conversations. Through Jesus our Lord. Amen.
Love, Mymom


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