Clarence Rief Eulogy

Clarence Thomas Rief nicknamed Clark by his childhood friends, was born in Manitowoc, Wisconsin in 1935.  His mother, Martha raised her two sons, Clarence and Jack with the help of her parents and sisters since his father, also named Clarence died in a car accident before Clarence was born.  Clarence grew up helping his mother make ends meet by doing odd jobs like paper routes.  Clarence had many friends.  One friend Larry Burkhart met Clarence in kindergarten, and they remained friends for 85 years.  Larry was so sorry to hear of Clarence’s death.  Clarence met Barbara, the little sister of his friend Bob Senglaub in high school.  They married in 1957 and moved to Moline, Il after Clarence graduated from Marquette University and took his first and only job with John Deere.  Free time involved golfing at Mill Creek country club and taking his family to Lake Osakis Minnesota for vacations in the summer. 

Clarence moved his family to West Des Moines in 1975 for a promotion at the John Deere plant in Ankeny. He taught each of the kids to drive.  All of his children were sent to catholic schools and were given their expenses for their first two years of college.  He taught his kids the importance of financial management by having them write the checks to pay the bills for him to sign and balance his checkbook.  He wanted his children to be self sufficient and strong people.  When friends would call on the phone, Clarence would answer with “Is this call really necessary? And the friend was expected to explain.   Clarence liked dogs and cats.  The last dog was named Tory.  She was the best dog and she was truly Clarence’s best friend for 13 years. 

Clarence and Barbara enjoyed 54 years of marriage.  After retiring early from John Deere in 1992, they enjoyed trips to Washington, Colorado, Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Arizona visiting their children and grandchildren.  They lived in West Des Moines from April through October and Horseshoe Bay, Texas from November through March.  They had many dear friends that went out to meals together and traveled together.  Clarence lost Barbara in 2012.  He took care of her as her health failed and missed her greatly.   

After Barbara died, Clarence picked up her job of sending birthday and anniversary cards to each of his children and grandchildren.  He never missed any high school graduations.  His hobbies continued to be golfing and raising Kohlrabi and tomatoes in his yard.  He attended daily mass helping with lecturing and serving.  He renewed a friendship with Rita who he knew from high school.  Rita had lost her husband shortly after he had lost his wife.  Their friendship involved daily phone calls and visits to Wisconsin to see her.  He read the paper faithfully, did house projects, and kept his yard until he was 89 years old. 

The last 16 months of his life, he suffered from Alzheimer’s.  This affected his short-term memory and cognitive skills.  When he left his home in October 2024, he began living with each of his children for a few months.  Each family really treasured the opportunity to help with his care and share in his life.  In August 2025, he moved to Minnesota to live with Jane Marie and Mike.  In December he moved to St Therese Memory Care in Woodbury.  He told his friend Rita that he couldn’t think of a better place to live at this stage of his life.  He enjoyed eating his meals with his new friends, Robert and Dan. 

Jane Marie remembers Clarence and Barbara visiting and going out to see plays with them.  They really enjoyed the British comedies at the Old Log Theatre.  She also remembers golfing with Dad and how patient he was.  He would explain why her shots could be better in a way that was encouraging.  On a golf course, he was in his element. 

Mike remembers the joy of watching a good game of football with Dad. 

Terry and Alyssa remember hearing Tom and his dad talk 3, 4, 5 times on the phone during every Green Bay Packer game, every year.  They would talk about how good or how terrible they were playing.   It was such a special bond between father and son even on occasional days when Clark would say “ok, I’m gonna hang up now”.  Now Alyssa shares this same passion with her own dad and likes watching the games.

Terry’s memory is of Clarence and Barbara driving down to Arizona for visits giving an arrival time.  They would arrive early as Terry was getting the house ready and find her still vacuuming the house. 

Julia remembers Grandpa giving her whisker rubs before he shaved his face when he visited when she was little.  Grandpa would yell at us for slamming cupboards and doors; definitely classic grandpa, and now understands why it bothered him so much.  She also remembers in 2014, she drove down from college to visit Grandpa on St Valentines Day.  They went to church and out to dinner. 

Jonathan remembers climbing the tree at the West Des Moines house and getting paid for picking up bags of pine cones.  Jonathan liked spending a week during the summer at Grandpa and Grandma’s house.  They took him to the state fair and treated him to his first funnel cake.  Jonathan remembers golfing with Grandpa and watching golfing.  One year, Jonathan’s dad, Mike and Jonathan went on a spring break road trip to Texas to see Grandma and Grandpa.  Jonathan wrote Grandpa thank you letters for holiday money gifts and he remembers the 6 page letter that Grandpa wrote of  life recommendations and wisdom for Jonathan’s graduation from high school. 

Joseph also remembers climbing the tree in Grandpa’s front yard, being scolded for using too much toilet paper (something we all remembered), and being scolded for being in the nice living room.  Joseph loved going to Grandpa’s and Grandma’s house and looking at all their figurines.  When Joseph was working as a mover, he stopped at Grandpa’s house when he was traveling through West Des Moines in a big moving truck.  They went out to lunch.  Grandpa’s favorite place was The Waterfront where he would order Seafood Gumbo. 

Samantha remembers making squash at Jane Marie and Mike’s house.  Grandpa asked what that delicious smell was.  When we told him it was squash, he couldn’t believe it.  We asked him to try it and he said “Oh no, I’m not eating vegetables”. 

Teddy and Liam remember being told to quiet down and they remember visiting Great Grandpa at his Memory Care apartment.  Teddy called it Great Grandpa’s little resort. 

Dan Dillenburg remembers hearing his Grandpa singing the song “Oh Lord, It’s Hard to be Humble When You’re Perfect in Every Way”. 

Alyssa remembers the 50th Wedding anniversary party in Iowa, his 80th birthday celebration at the cabin in Payson, phone calls to say thank you when he would send money for birthdays, and his 90th birthday celebration with family in Minnesota.

Sam remembers smoking a pipe with Grandpa at the cabin.  They’d mostly just observe the silence, and it always felt peaceful in a way that only being with Grandpa could bring. 

Jennifer remembers many Thanksgivings and Christmases, watching golf, watching football, going to the Bierstube for root beers, and Grandpa bringing tomatoes that he grew in his yard.  He would ask if we wanted tomatoes and bring a giant bag. 

Harrington, Gwendolyn, Galatia, and Gisele liked how when we were together for holidays, the cat played with Great Grandpa’s shoelaces and then the kids would play with his shoelaces too.  They remember visiting Great Grandpa at his apartment and bringing him art projects to share. 

Vicki and Rich will always treasure the memories of Clark being at their cabin in Arizona, sitting on the deck with a cocktail and enjoying good conversation and nature.

Michelle remembers when she was little and wanted mac and cheese, he’d give her a hard time saying its “poor people food”.  Also showing up to meet all the great grand kids after they were born. 

Nick remembers that one of the last times that he saw Grandpa, having met Nick’s fiancé, her sisters and his brothers, Grandpa whispered in his ear as he was leaving to “look out for your clan, keep them together”.  It was really very moving. 

Clarence lived a good life.  He was fun to be around.  He challenged each of us and insisted that we not be dependent on him but rather treated us like the good adults he expected us to be.  We each love and miss him so much and appreciate having him in our lives. 

Loving As Jesus Loves Us

I have a family situation that troubles me greatly.  The devil uses this situation to disturb my prayer and my peace.  I haven’t written in a while because these situations are evidence of my failings as a mother and grandmother. Who am I to write any advice to anyone?  Of course, I am no one.  I am a small person of no particular consequence.  I am someone else’s mom.  And yet, God loves me and cares about the people I care for.

Without identifying the details, the situation has to do with two of our children’s families.  They have differing parenting styles.  One family loves mornings, and the other family loves afternoons.   Their schedules are just different.  Their children’s temperaments are different.  Their rift began when two of my grandchildren weren’t interacting well with each other, and this became a repetitive pattern.

Rather than working together to help the two children learn how to interact positively together, the communication broke down, and they haven’t seen each other in 18 months.  Yes, that is right, my family hasn’t been together.  I feel like the failure that I am.  I invite them to come together, but they can’t seem to put aside their pride or their fear or their righteous belief that they are right and the other is wrong.  They don’t love me enough to love each other.  They don’t love God enough to love each other. 

I shudder when I think of the wasted moments.  I shudder when I think that our beautiful family is victim to being offended by each other.  They treat strangers better than each other.  Our grandchildren are learning that their aunts and uncles are choosy about who they will love and who they will forgive.  One granddaughter caught in the crossfire feels the loss so deeply.  Does she think she caused this? 

They need to fix this.  They need to be humble, forgiving, and loving.  They need to want to look out for each other’s interests.  They need to care about each other’s children.  In the world we live in, this can’t be solved. If my bright, beautiful children cannot figure out how to resolve this situation, then it cannot be solved. 

I pray for each of them, children, their spouses, and grandchildren.  I sit with the Holy Family in my prayers, imagining all the trouble they faced, the aunts and uncles, and cousins who never believed who Jesus was.  And then I remember the great commandment. 

“Teacher,* which commandment in the law is the greatest?”

37j He said to him,* “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.

38 This is the greatest and the first commandment.

39k The second is like it:* You shall love your neighbor as yourself.  Matthew 22:36-40.

We are all each other’s neighbors.  I used to tell my youngest two children that there will never be peace on earth as long as two siblings quarrel and fail to forgive each other.  Jesus says that we must forgive. 

Read all of Matthew chapter 18.  First Jesus tells us

“Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

2He called a child over, placed it in their midst,

3b and said, “Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children,* you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.

4c Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

5* And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me.”  Matthew 18:1-5

Then later, Jesus says,

n Then Peter approaching asked him, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?”

22* Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.” Matther 18: 21-22

Jesus is crystal clear.  We are to love one another, and we are to forgive one another. The anger and hurt that separate us are held together by pride and sin.  We may not be able to forgive of our own accord, then we need to ask Jesus to help us to forgive.  He will help us to humble ourselves.  We cannot enter the kingdom of heaven holding a grudge against anyone. 

” So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives his brother from his heart.” Matthew 18:35

I know that God alone can heal this situation, and I continue to pray for my family to one day be a loving family again, able to break bread with each other and share a meal.   And I hope my grandchildren will be able to play with each other again and learn how to love through their relationships as cousins.  Loving each other as Jesus Loves us. 

Love,

MyMom

Attach only to God

I have been studying the lives and words of the Carmelite saints Teresa and John. The concept that I struggle with the most is that of detachment. What does it mean to love totally and with abandon as Jesus loves without attachment? Jesus shows us the way. We are to love God with our whole self and our neighbor too. If the one or thing that I love in my life goes away or becomes angry with me and shuns me, if I am attached, I am devastated beyond repair. I am not free to live out the will of God for me. I may be attached so that I seek the other, my child, my spouse and want only to be with them and when I am not in their presence, then I am lost. I can only think of how to be with them again. If I love without attachment, I gain all. I enjoy those I love and I can let them go too. I am attached only to God and I detach from all that is not God. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love. It means that I love more perfectly without needing attachment or the response of the other. They are free to love me or not to love me and I may always love in return. God is with me and that is all I need. I may love totally and freely in the example of Jesus. God, please show me my attachments and help me to detach from all that is not you. Amen

Love, Mymom

Family doesn’t give up on anyone.

You each have your own stresses right now. The pandemic has gone on so long. You are working long hours. Caring for little ones. Being there for family and friends. Know that we love you and we are here for each of you.

Cherish our family relationships with each other. None of us are perfect and each of us are special in our own ways. Where you are weak, I am strong. Where I am weak, you are strong. Our family is a beautiful pattern of people knit together by the love you share with us and with each other. Sisters, brothers, sons, daughters, daughter in law and sons in law, aunts and uncles, cousins and friends for life. Our family is strong because of our unconditional love, forgiveness that is granted without strings attached. Grace from God and sharing that grace with each other. Build each other up. Be patient with each other. Communicate. You are loved and valued. No one is left out and no one is left behind. We are each as close as we choose to be. God bless each and every one of you.

Love,

Mymom

Love and Kindness Counts

If you feel that you have harmed me in any way this year or at any other time, I have long forgiven you. If I have offended you or hurt you in any way, please forgive me. I am meditating daily on First Corinthians Chapter 13. I recommend reading this chapter as the definition of love and kindness. Don’t carry grudges, live your life each day with this passage in mind. It defines what love is and how we should love. Love God, Love neighbor…and don’t forget to love self with all humility. You are a unique, special, beautiful gift of God to the world. Love really is all you need. Be kind. Your words matter. You matter.

Love is patient, love is kind

1st Corinthians 13.4, Love is patient, Love is kind, it is not jealous. It is not pompous. It is not inflated.

St. Paul’s words to the Corinthians is posted on my bathroom wall to be read often. I am so often impatient, unkind, jealous, righteous, and full of myself that I worry if I will ever get it right. When Paul spoke of Love, he was speaking of Jesus. Reread the passage substituting the word Jesus. It totally fits. Jesus is love.
Substitute your own name and reread the passage. I do that and see my inadequacies clearly. I see where I can love better. And reading it with Jesus’ name reminds me how He loves me even though I don’t love as I want to love. Jesus is patient with me. He is kind.

Oh God. Help me to love others and myself the way you love through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

Waiting too long to ask

Are you taking your relationship for granted? Pope Francis recently asked young people to have the courage to get married. It does take courage and love and faith to take the leap and get married. Christian marriage takes preparation counseling, planning, bringing two families together. It can get really complicated and people everywhere telling the couple it can’t be done. I tell you it can be done. If you want to be married, seek out couples who are married for advice and stop asking your single friends. We may make it look easy but I assure you it takes work and love and commitment everyday. It takes forgiveness and humor. It takes prayer. So don’t wait too long. Make your commitment to each other. Love each other enough to be vulnerable and trust that your future will unfold and God will be there for both of you.

Oh Heavenly Father, please bless the couples who want to make their commitment but hesitate looking for the “right” time. Help them to seek your blessing and enter into marriage with you as their center through Jesus Christ Our Lord. Amen.

Love,
Mymom