Month: March 2014

Yelling Isn’t Communication

Do you yell when you want to be heard? Do you say nasty things to your love one to get attention or a reaction? I want you to know right now that yelling isn’t communication. My husband and I grew up in homes where yelling, shouting and sarcasm was a standard way to communicate. And we will both tell you we love our families, just not the way our parents chose to communicate. When we started our marriage, whenever something was really important to me, I yelled. When my husband didn’t respond, I yelled louder insisting that we resolve the issue here and now.
Bless my husband for not putting up with this behavior. He found the words to tell me that he agreed that this yelling behavior matched what we learned growing up but that wasn’t what he wanted for our relationship.
Wow. I had some changes to make. I learned to plan our talks, to let my husband know what was on my mind and plan for a later conversation when we both had a chance to prepare for a productive conversation. This was hard and took lots of practice. Sometimes I had to calm down and say “this is important and I need to talk it through now” and sometimes I could say “here are the three things I’d like to talk about in the next day or two”. Then we planned the time to talk. Compromise on approaches works for us and we both are glad that our yelling days are mostly behind us.
When I do lose my temper. I pray about it. It is always helpful to ask God to help me figure out the right words. I ask forgiveness and try to sort through what I really want to talk about. Then my husband and I plan for our communication time.
Let us pray. Oh God, please help us to lovingly forgive each other and include you in all our conversations. Through Jesus our Lord. Amen.
Love, Mymom

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Good relationships start with good communication

In order to have a good relationship, you have to be able to talk with the other person in your relationship. You share your feelings, your hopes, your dreams. You share the very best of yourself in a vulnerable way. Never assume that you understand, always check for meaning and respect what you hear as confidential and vulnerable. Take good care of each other’s words. Sometimes you’ll need to vent. Always clarify that you are venting and you don’t need a solution to any problem, you are just venting. When you feel angry, say so and ask for time to yourself to regroup and compose yourself. Continuing an angry conversation is not likely to turn out well. Communication is two way. It includes speaking and listening. Remember to breathe and have courage.
Your relationships with people will be better if you develop your relationship with God through prayer and listening. Ask God to help you with your words and to help you listen to understand. Pray in the moment for your conversation. God, give us the words we need to share.
Your relationships with people will be better if you look at your interior self talk. Do you speak kindly to yourself? Do you take care of yourself through prayer and time with God? Do you eat right, exercise, and rest? I heard recently of a priest giving a penance of taking a nap to someone who was struggling in a relationship and mentioned their concerns during reconciliation. Great idea! Take care of yourself and your communication with others will be better. Avoid acting like a tired two year old.
There have been many times in my marriage when my communication with my husband and/or my children was like that of a tired two year old. I wasn’t at my best but rather at my worst. Here is where forgiveness comes into play. We won’t always be at or best and we need to try to listen for understanding and be loving and forgiving. We need to say we are sorry and ask for forgiveness. Then we need to plan a better time and try again. Keep communicating, keep trying. Share a list of items you want to discuss in advance so that you can both think through your thoughts and be prepared for open communication.
Let us pray, oh God, please bless our communication with each other. Help us to listen and hear with ears of love, understanding, and forgiveness. Help us to speak with kindness and clarity as we seek to be understood. Help us not to blame. Help us in all our communication through Jesus our Lord. Amen.

Love, Mymom
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Waiting too long to ask

Are you taking your relationship for granted? Pope Francis recently asked young people to have the courage to get married. It does take courage and love and faith to take the leap and get married. Christian marriage takes preparation counseling, planning, bringing two families together. It can get really complicated and people everywhere telling the couple it can’t be done. I tell you it can be done. If you want to be married, seek out couples who are married for advice and stop asking your single friends. We may make it look easy but I assure you it takes work and love and commitment everyday. It takes forgiveness and humor. It takes prayer. So don’t wait too long. Make your commitment to each other. Love each other enough to be vulnerable and trust that your future will unfold and God will be there for both of you.

Oh Heavenly Father, please bless the couples who want to make their commitment but hesitate looking for the “right” time. Help them to seek your blessing and enter into marriage with you as their center through Jesus Christ Our Lord. Amen.

Love,
Mymom

Healthy body weight

As you grow From teen into your adult self, your body changes. For women, your hips and thighs fill out and take on a more womanly shape. For men, your chest fills out and you take on a more manly shape. You will gain a few pounds. This transition is hard for some people who want to stay in their teen age shape. Truth is, the only way to stay in your teen age shape is with unhealthy eating and exercise habits which may lead to an eating disorder.
It is normal to go from teen sizes to adult sizes in clothing increasing 1-2 sizes. How much is too much? I recommend talking to your doctor or using a website like http://www.healthcentral.com which has a simple to use ideal body weight calculator. If you are in your healthy body range, congratulations. If not, ask your doctor for a plan that may help you. It really isn’t about weight, it is more about healthy eating habits and regular exercise. Healthy eating includes 3 -4 fruit, lots of vegetables, 8 ounces of protein, 2 -3 dairy and 2-3 whole grains daily. I’m short so I’m on the lower end of the range. Men will need to add a serving or two in those ranges. Healthy exercise is 30-60 minutes a day that includes cardio and strength training. I do 30 – 40 minutes of walking each day or 60 minutes if biking. I also do 10-15 minutes of push-ups and squats for my weight training each day. Apps I find helpful are myfitnesspal and 7-minute workout by Lolo.
Let us pray, Dear Heavenly Father, help me to take time with you in prayer each day, to eat healthy and exercise sufficiently as to be well. Thank you for my health. Thank you for this new day. In Jesus name. Amen.
Love,
Mymom

Give 200 percent

In relationships, give 200 percent and prayerfully seek the person who will give 200 percent. There is no 50/50 in a good relationship which leads to a good marriage. 50/50 says that I have expectations that we will each give half way to make us whole. In fact we each need to give 100 percent, better yet 200 percent. I’m all into this marriage. I’m my husbands biggest fan and he is mine. I am the person God chose to be my husband’s partner. God counts on us each day to be His eyes, ears, hands, and feet to accomplish His work as a team. God gave us each other. 200 percent. Let us pray.. Oh God, You are the source of our strength. Be with us and help us to see you in our good times and to allow You to see us through our bad times. In Jesus name. Amen. Mary mother of God, pray for us. St Joseph, pray for us. May we model our marriage after the Holy Family.
Love,
Mymom