Moving Past Disappointment to Gratitude

Oh how sad I feel right now.  I prayed and prayed and prayed.  I wanted your wedding day to be everything you wanted it to be.  And with COVID-19, it will be a different day.  I really believe that God is in these plans.  I believe that we will still have a blessed day for your wedding.  And we need to look forward to what will be.

Today, when we have to accept changing plans, it is a time to feel feelings and cry.  Cry out to God.  Ask Him to be with us as we face the disappointment of today.  Thank Him that he is with us.  Turn to Him.  Sit quietly with God.  Cry with Him.  Let Him comfort you.  Feel your feelings and ask Him for strength.  Tell God how you feel.  Ask our Blessed Mother Mary to comfort you and pray for you.  Ask God to help and he will help.

God didn’t cause the COVID-19.  He isn’t causing all the panic and the closed venues.  We didn’t cause this either.  Politics need to be put aside.  Families need to be together.  We need to begin again.

We will appreciate what we can do to celebrate your wedding.  I am so thankful for you and for your future husband.  You are a beautiful couple and your wedding will be beautiful.  It will be small and intimate and we will have such a celebration later.  And we will be together with you.  Praying for you.  Loving you.  Listening to you.  I am grateful for so many things.  I am grateful for you.

Love,

Mymom

See others through the eyes of Jesus

I can’t think of a person who hasn’t let me down at one time or another.  And I’m sure that I have let others down many times.  God wants us to depend on Him.  He loves us and is always there for us if we turn to Him and put our trust in Him alone.  Only Jesus who leads us to the Father and works in us through the Holy Spirit.  If we can trust God, then we are free to joyfully love others and allow them to be imperfect.  We can love who they are and not who we wish they would be.  We are all imperfect humans trying our best in an imperfect world.  Our sense of sometimes feeling let down often comes from putting too much on the shoulders of that other person to bring us happiness.  Peace comes from those moments when we let Jesus take us by the hand and show us others through His eyes.  Accept, trust, forgive, love.

Love,

Mymom

When does sharing news become gossip?

When we are all together with friends or family, it is loving and joyful to share news about those friends and loved ones who aren’t able to be there. We share news of blessings and suffering that our loved ones are experiencing and we rejoice and suffer together. One rule a friend shared regarding the difference between sharing and gossiping is that you should never say anything spoken to you clearly in confidence and you should never share anything you wouldn’t say if you were telling the story with that same person present. Keep your criticism and your editorial comments to yourself as they may be very hurtful. Don’t share comments meant to justify yourself or tear down the other person’s reputation. To that I say while tempting, it is bad form.

What if someone asks you directly about someone you are known to have a disagreement with? Please decline to comment. State that you have strong feelings between you and hurt feelings that are not yet resolved. Ask for prayer support for the opportunity to have the difficult conversation that will be needed to lead to reconciliation. Remember that peace begins with each one of us. Choose not to gossip but love and forgive instead. Pray for each other. Listen with love. Treasure these precious moments of time with family and friends. Spread joy, not gossip.

Oh God, help us to be instruments of your peace, where there is hatred, let me sow love, where there is injury, pardon through Jesus Christ or Lord, Amen. Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for us. Our Lady queen of peace, pray for us. St Frances, pray for us.

Love,

Mymom

Marriage: Be together even when you are apart

In my relationship with your dad, we see each other in the morning as we both wake and get ready for our days. We always say a goodbye with a kiss, a hug, and a prayer for the day. We greet each other with a kiss and a hug. We hold hands. We pray for each other.

Some days are so very busy. There is so little time to be part of each other’s lives when there is so much to be done. So you need to be part of each other. When we married, God brought us together. Two individuals making a marriage with God at the center. When we are together, we are complete. When we are apart, we take each other with us as we go through the day supported in our love for each other. Not together in time and space, but never apart either.

We have been married for almost 36 years. I am always conscious of my husband in my life whether we are together or apart. I go through my day independently, fully supported in God’s love and in the love of my husband.

We are away from each other 10-16 hours a day depending on our work, social, or service commitments. When we are home together in the morning, your dad makes me breakfast and we sit together for a couple moments and enjoy breakfast. In the evening we have dinner together most days although that isn’t always possible. For many years when our children were small, we would stop what we were doing after the busyness of the day, after the kids were in bed, and share time together. This is a time for rest and nurturing each other.

There are many seasons to marriage: a time to be young and dating, a time to be newlyweds, a time to raise small children, a time to counsel teenagers, a time to put those kids through college a time to help aging parents, and a time to be those aging people. Throughout these times there is always each other.

Schedule time for important conversations. I learned to keep a list of what we needed to talk about so that I could let my anger go and know that we would talk when we were both ready. I learned to listen too.

Be confident in your loved one’s love for you. When we doubt each other, our communication suffers and erodes the quality of our time together. Trust each other. Share each other with the world around you and then come back together in the intimate moments, in the sorrowful moments, in the joyful moments and in the ordinary moments.

Oh God, help us to see you in our relationship. Help our commitment, help our communication, strengthen our marriage, be at the very core of us. You are our God. Thank you for our marriage. Thank you for our time together. Help us to do your Holy will each day even when we have to be apart through Christ Our Lord, Amen.

Love,

MyMom

Be glad to see each other

Our lives are busy. We work a job or run a business, we serve in our church and communities, we schedule time with family and friends, we spend time in prayer, we read, we exercise. Our days are so full. We often put ourselves and our spouses too low on our todo list. How can we reshape our days to put ourselves and each other higher on our lists?

We can start by greeting each other joyfully. When we see our loved one, we great him or her with great joy. I remember watching my parents greet each other after a long day at work. My dad would inevitably be late coming home. He had a demanding job that always had one more thing to attend to before he could leave for the day. My mom would try to be patient but would be overcome with frustration. She wanted him to be home on time for dinner and spend time with the family.

When Dad finally arrived home, he would sheepishly walk in and mom would let him have her best tongue lashing for being late. Here they were, longing to see each other yet unable to greet each other lovingly. It became a very bad habit for them.

If life’s demands give you only a short time with each other, make that time joyful. Every glance, each word, each touch should be in joy and love. Trust each other and Communicate your love for each other with a welcome and happy greeting. If you only have 5 minutes together today, make those 5 minutes count. This is true for each person in our lives. Make your moments together count.

Oh God, help us to see you in each other and in the moments of our day. Give us patience and joy. We thank you for the gift of each other and ask you to bless our time together with gratefulness and Love through Jesus Christ Our Lord. Amen.

Love,

MyMom

Grieving a Sinful World

I am shocked at how commonplace mass shootings have become in the United States. Instead of a couple of times in 100 years, we now know that something will happen and it will happen soon and it will be very, very bad. We don’t even talk about it anymore. Did you hear about … isn’t even in our everyday conversation.

We have to keep talking about terrorist acts, mental illness, isolation, greed, and all the terrible things happening. The devil wants to separate and divide all of us. Republican or Democrat…. do I want to listen to you or not is what goes through our minds. Stop the hatred. Stop the blindness. Stop the separation. Stop the anger. We must love one another. Love is what we need and God is Love.

Pray without ceasing. Love each other. Pray for your enemies. See Jesus in each other. When you start to feel separated, pray “Get behind me Satan.” Recognize that the evil one is behind your feelings of isolation and run back to God. Pray. Love. Treat each other kindly.

Listen. Pay attention to each other. Put down your phone once in a while. Forgive, love, be a friend, and know that I am praying for you. Be a positive, loving, listener and voice your opinion only after carefully praying for direction.

Oh God have mercy on us for we have sinned, we don’t know where to turn, help us to turn to you first and then to each other. Forgive us Father. Love us. Help us. Bless my children and grandchildren and relatives and friends. Bless the people of Florida and people throughout the world as we cry for peace and pray for those who are mentally ill or isolated, Through Jesus Christ our Lord who is Love for the world. Amen.

Love, MyMom

Missing MyMom

My mother told me many times that she missed her parents every day.   I was a teenager at the time and I thought that was so odd.  I mean, of course I loved my grandmother.  I knew her.  I was 14 years old when she died.  She seemed terribly old to me and I thought my mom should be more use to not having her parents.   My grandfather had died when I was just five years old and I only have one brief memory of him and it isn’t a positive memory.  Hmmm, I wondered where this longing came from.  Logically, they had been gone a long time and yet my mother missed them very much.  She remembered how her mother had taught each of her daughters to guard themselves and to dress modestly and to work hard.   There was a mistrust that was passed along from Grandmother to mother to daughter regarding dangers in the world.  I carried that fear for many years and conquered it after taking an Impact training class (high contact self defense where you learn to kick heads and get away).  I learned hard work and that everyone loves the person who takes care of the dishes after dinner.  I always help to clean up.

My grandfather taught my mother about gardening.  I understand that he always had beautiful gardens.  He also had a big temper and when I slammed the door to his kitchen one too many times, I received a slap on the head that left my ears ringing.  I remember running to his garden and walking there for solace. My grandmother came out to console me and talk about not slamming doors.  She said that I should appreciate my grandpa for the beautiful garden and that he loves me enough to teach me not to slam doors.  I never really learned not to slam doors but I do think of him every time I do.  And I remember all the lovely days I would spend near my mom as she gardened.  I know that love of gardening came from her dad.

I really miss my mom today.  I can tell you so many stories about the person she was.  You only saw her in her older days when she was tired and sick with such limited mobility.  I remember her vigor and how she taught me so many things: to cook, to sew, to knit, to try.  She taught me about God and his Holy Mother Mary and passed along her steadfast faith.  I know that I will see her again one day.

I am grateful that I still have my dad with us.  He has always worked hard and been a very action oriented man; a leader who always has a plan.  I know that these days of diminished capacity are difficult for him.  I hope that I am helping him in these years and enjoying his company as much as I should.  What a blessing my parents have always been to me.

I miss my mother in law too.  She and my mother died in 2012.  Sometimes their passing seems so raw and fresh to me.  My grief and longing overwhelm me.  Many times I think of them.  Such good, loving women that God so graciously put into my life.  Not perfect but good people.  I know they both forgave my failings, took pride in my success, and loved me with all their hearts.

We are fortunate to still have my father in law too.  He is still strong willed and able.  He golfs multiple times a week although he needs a cart now.  He should ask for help more often.  We are so glad when we spend time with him.  After he recently visited, we had the golf channel on our TV for a couple of weeks.  We would turn it on and watch a little golf, think of dad and then turn to our current Netflix series.

It may be a bit self serving of me to say this but cherish your time with your mom and dad.  Cherish the time with your grandfathers.  Truely, “Honor your father and your mother”.   I know that we will see our moms in heaven again.  I know that our time with our dads is fleeting.

Oh God, help us to be the sons and daughters that you desire us to be.  Help us to Honor our fathers and mothers.  Help us to forgive them their failings, to love them, to listen to them and to honor the place you have given them in our lives.  Through Jesus Christ Our Lord and Savior.  Amen.

Love you,

Mymom

What you say matters!

There is an old philosophical question “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?”  My answer to you is that of course it does make a sound.  What you say matters whether or not anyone else is around to hear it.  What you think matters too.  You are to conduct yourselves at good and honorable people, examples of Christians in the world.  Sometimes you will get angry.  Sometimes you will hit your thumb with a hammer and you will want to curse.  When I have been the most frustrated; in a car, in the basement, in the woods, those times when I thought I could swear like anything and no one could hear me anyway, someone is always around to hear me.  Sometimes it is my husband, sometimes a stranger, sometimes a friend, sometimes a child who just happens to walk into the situation where I think I’m alone and no one can hear.  I really regret the times when I indulge in venting and fowl language.  It is always unbecoming of a Christian and reflects poorly on me.  When you are angry, say you are angry.  When you need to vent, vent in a constructive way.  Hold your tongue and go for a run or just take a deep breath and ask Jesus to help you to handle the feelings that you are having.  Your feelings aren’t wrong.  The permission that you give yourself to vent, curse, or act out is what is wrong.

Also, never, ever talk badly about another person.  The sarcastic comedy that has permeated our society for the last 40 years has just gotten worse and worse.  It has become so lewd and unrighteous that it is hard to find kindness in any man or woman.  We are asked by Jesus to love one and other.  We are also asked to love our enemies.  When we find it impossible to love, we can ask Jesus for help.  When we fail, we ask Jesus to forgive us.  Admit when you are wrong and ask for forgiveness from each other.  Pray for those who you find most frustrating.  They need our prayers.

Oh God, help me to say yes when I mean yes and no when I mean no.  Help me to speak with grace and dignity.  Help me to hold my tongue and choose to handle my feelings in constructive ways.  Help me to see you in each person and love them.  Help me never to speak harshly about another but to be charitable and forgiving.  I can do these things through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

Love,

Mymom

 

 

It’s about love and mercy

Today is the Feast of St Francis of Assisi. St Francis is known for how he left worldly things behind and learned to be present with the Lord through all the people he met at all times.   I went to daily mass today to celebrate St Francis.  The priest gave a lovely homily about St Francis and it gave me much to think about.  I have been studying the lives of St Francis and St Claire as I discern whether to join the Third Order Franciscans.  I have been on this path for 15 months.  This order is a way of life devoted to simplicity and presence with others.  St Francis learned to love himself and then he learned to love others modeling himself after Jesus who is love and mercy itself.

I like the reminder that we have an awesome God who loves me. He made me and I am good. He made others and they are good too. Please remember that and hold fast to your relationships with each other.  Be merciful and loving toward yourself and your neighbor.  St Francis and St Claire give us good examples of how to do this.

When you have an issue with others, forgive them, talk to them, and love them. All of your relationships will be better. Always remember that the devil is the one who wants you to be righteous and angry and unforgiving. God is the one who asks us to be humble and loving and forgiving.

Oh God, thank you for the example of St Francis and St Claire.  Help me to love You, to love myself, and to love others just as St Francis and St Claire did.  Help me to see you when I look at my neighbor and at myself through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

Love,

Mymom

Choose Your Attitude!

An oldie but goodie… your brother recently mentioned the FISH book that I read to all of you about a dozen years ago when you were all still home. He wanted me to know that he is choosing to like his work and he likes interacting with his customers and helping them with their moves (he is working for a moving company). He asked me if I like my work and I had to pause and think about that. Too often, I can see only the obstacles and fail to see all the positives. It is really important to live in the present and I often get caught up in future and what if thinking. So, do you remember the 4 principles of the FISH philosophy? Be There (Be present), Make their day, Choose your attitude, Have fun (play). Thanks to the reminder, I’m having more fun today. Here is the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cHj6Wj0pko  and the link to the book: FISH, A Proven Way to Boost Morale and Improve Results by Lundin, Paul and Christensen, https://www.amazon.com/Fish-Proven-Morale-Improve-Results/dp/0786866020/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1475604961&sr=1-1&keywords=fish+a+proven+way+to+boost+morale+and+improve+results

Oh God, help us to be present where we are this day, in this moment.  Help us to see those around us and pay attention to their needs, be there for them, and make their day.  Help us to choose our attitude and see how we can have fun with the work we have to do this day.  Thank you God for our work, for our co-workers, we pray for each of them and each other through Christ our Lord, Amen.

Love,

Mymom