Meanness

Mean or snide comments are mean and snide. What are we thinking when we make them?? We are all guilty of making “funny” remarks at the expense of others. Guess what – those comments are sinful and hurt others. Don’t do it. Just don’t be the devil’s voice in the world. As for forgiveness if this is you. Apologize. Encourage each other and build each other up. Kind words. Remember “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.

When we are the victims of mean or snide comments, resist the urge to retort angrily. Take a deep breath and ask God to help you to forgive. That person may not know how badly they hurt you with the mean comment. Be courageous and tell them. Remember Jesus loves you truly. You are a cherished child of the one true King, Jesus. Peace be with you.

Oh God, help me speak kindly and listen with forgiving ears today. Help me to use positive self talk when thinking of what was said to me and let go of the hurt. Help me to rest in the knowledge that you love us both. In Jesus Holy name. Amen.

Love, Mymom

Build each other up

Relationships are not a competition. There is no room for sarcasm, cynicism, or meanness. When you feel hurt, as simply and honestly as possible, say “ouch, that comment hurt. Was it your intention to hurt me?” When we feel hurt, we often want to give an angry or sarcastic retort back. Resist that sin and instead turn the other cheek as Jesus taught. Seek to understand. Communicate bravely your very vulnerable feelings. Love. Build each other up with loving words. Peace be with you. Let us pray. Oh God, please help us to listen as you listen, to pray for your help before speaking, to love as you love through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Love, Mymom

Forgiveness

Think about the rude person you work with, the mean kids in middle school, your ex friends who hurt you, your mom who you never seem to please, your absent dad, your husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend who did the unforgivable, the driver who flipped you off, your boss who is too demanding or not demanding enough, yourself for your owns sins of bossiness, gossip, meanness, stealing, lying, laziness, betrayal, the list goes on and on. Sin abounds. Small sins we Catholics call venial or great sins we call mortal. Sin abounds. The great news is that we can forgive others and we can be forgiven. When we fail to forgive others, that is our sin. Jesus can help us to forgive them if we ask for his help. Jesus will forgive us when we are sorry and ask for forgiveness.
Jesus died to wash away our sins and our guilt.

I’m preparing for the beautiful sacrament of reconciliation this evening. What a lovely thing: To reflect on the things I’ve done http://four.mary.org failed to do and to ask for forgiveness. To hear the wise counsel of our priest be forgiven and begin anew.

Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice, forgiveness, renewal, and for Reconciliation. In Jesus Holy Name, Amen.
Love, Mymom

P.s. For those of you who haven’t been in a while, reconciliation is another name for confession or penance. The format is still the same but we can sit facing the priest or sit or kneel behind a screen. It is our choice. We can go at a scheduled time or we can call our church to make an appointment with our priest. Come back to this beautiful sacrament. Peace be with you.

What you don’t talk about will not go away

There are very important topics that need to be part if your conversations if you are moving your relationship to a life-long commitment. Marriage, Faith, Religion, Children, Family, Property, Budget, Work, Schedules. It isn’t all about where we go to dinner anymore. It becomes about how we live our lives together toward our mutual benefit and serving God as we build a life together. How do we open our communication to start including these important topics? What do we do when we disagree? Conversations start getting hard. It is important to find your common ground. Don’t tackle every hard issue at once. Make a list of things important to you and begin to bring these subjects up. Make note of the differences and seek to listen and understand. Remember that issues you don’t discuss now will be issues for you in 5 years, 15 years, and in 50 years. Be brave. Aren’t the two of you worth it?
Oh God. Please help me to be brave and talk about the big topics in our relationship and help us to find our way to our life-long relationship based on our love for each other with you as our foundation. In Jesus name. Amen.

Love, Mymom

Yelling Isn’t Communication

Do you yell when you want to be heard? Do you say nasty things to your love one to get attention or a reaction? I want you to know right now that yelling isn’t communication. My husband and I grew up in homes where yelling, shouting and sarcasm was a standard way to communicate. And we will both tell you we love our families, just not the way our parents chose to communicate. When we started our marriage, whenever something was really important to me, I yelled. When my husband didn’t respond, I yelled louder insisting that we resolve the issue here and now.
Bless my husband for not putting up with this behavior. He found the words to tell me that he agreed that this yelling behavior matched what we learned growing up but that wasn’t what he wanted for our relationship.
Wow. I had some changes to make. I learned to plan our talks, to let my husband know what was on my mind and plan for a later conversation when we both had a chance to prepare for a productive conversation. This was hard and took lots of practice. Sometimes I had to calm down and say “this is important and I need to talk it through now” and sometimes I could say “here are the three things I’d like to talk about in the next day or two”. Then we planned the time to talk. Compromise on approaches works for us and we both are glad that our yelling days are mostly behind us.
When I do lose my temper. I pray about it. It is always helpful to ask God to help me figure out the right words. I ask forgiveness and try to sort through what I really want to talk about. Then my husband and I plan for our communication time.
Let us pray. Oh God, please help us to lovingly forgive each other and include you in all our conversations. Through Jesus our Lord. Amen.
Love, Mymom

Good relationships start with good communication

In order to have a good relationship, you have to be able to talk with the other person in your relationship. You share your feelings, your hopes, your dreams. You share the very best of yourself in a vulnerable way. Never assume that you understand, always check for meaning and respect what you hear as confidential and vulnerable. Take good care of each other’s words. Sometimes you’ll need to vent. Always clarify that you are venting and you don’t need a solution to any problem, you are just venting. When you feel angry, say so and ask for time to yourself to regroup and compose yourself. Continuing an angry conversation is not likely to turn out well. Communication is two way. It includes speaking and listening. Remember to breathe and have courage.
Your relationships with people will be better if you develop your relationship with God through prayer and listening. Ask God to help you with your words and to help you listen to understand. Pray in the moment for your conversation. God, give us the words we need to share.
Your relationships with people will be better if you look at your interior self talk. Do you speak kindly to yourself? Do you take care of yourself through prayer and time with God? Do you eat right, exercise, and rest? I heard recently of a priest giving a penance of taking a nap to someone who was struggling in a relationship and mentioned their concerns during reconciliation. Great idea! Take care of yourself and your communication with others will be better. Avoid acting like a tired two year old.
There have been many times in my marriage when my communication with my husband and/or my children was like that of a tired two year old. I wasn’t at my best but rather at my worst. Here is where forgiveness comes into play. We won’t always be at or best and we need to try to listen for understanding and be loving and forgiving. We need to say we are sorry and ask for forgiveness. Then we need to plan a better time and try again. Keep communicating, keep trying. Share a list of items you want to discuss in advance so that you can both think through your thoughts and be prepared for open communication.
Let us pray, oh God, please bless our communication with each other. Help us to listen and hear with ears of love, understanding, and forgiveness. Help us to speak with kindness and clarity as we seek to be understood. Help us not to blame. Help us in all our communication through Jesus our Lord. Amen.

Love, Mymom
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Waiting too long to ask

Are you taking your relationship for granted? Pope Francis recently asked young people to have the courage to get married. It does take courage and love and faith to take the leap and get married. Christian marriage takes preparation counseling, planning, bringing two families together. It can get really complicated and people everywhere telling the couple it can’t be done. I tell you it can be done. If you want to be married, seek out couples who are married for advice and stop asking your single friends. We may make it look easy but I assure you it takes work and love and commitment everyday. It takes forgiveness and humor. It takes prayer. So don’t wait too long. Make your commitment to each other. Love each other enough to be vulnerable and trust that your future will unfold and God will be there for both of you.

Oh Heavenly Father, please bless the couples who want to make their commitment but hesitate looking for the “right” time. Help them to seek your blessing and enter into marriage with you as their center through Jesus Christ Our Lord. Amen.

Love,
Mymom