Do you yell when you want to be heard? Do you say nasty things to your love one to get attention or a reaction? I want you to know right now that yelling isn’t communication. My husband and I grew up in homes where yelling, shouting and sarcasm was a standard way to communicate. And we will both tell you we love our families, just not the way our parents chose to communicate. When we started our marriage, whenever something was really important to me, I yelled. When my husband didn’t respond, I yelled louder insisting that we resolve the issue here and now.
Bless my husband for not putting up with this behavior. He found the words to tell me that he agreed that this yelling behavior matched what we learned growing up but that wasn’t what he wanted for our relationship.
Wow. I had some changes to make. I learned to plan our talks, to let my husband know what was on my mind and plan for a later conversation when we both had a chance to prepare for a productive conversation. This was hard and took lots of practice. Sometimes I had to calm down and say “this is important and I need to talk it through now” and sometimes I could say “here are the three things I’d like to talk about in the next day or two”. Then we planned the time to talk. Compromise on approaches works for us and we both are glad that our yelling days are mostly behind us.
When I do lose my temper. I pray about it. It is always helpful to ask God to help me figure out the right words. I ask forgiveness and try to sort through what I really want to talk about. Then my husband and I plan for our communication time.
Let us pray. Oh God, please help us to lovingly forgive each other and include you in all our conversations. Through Jesus our Lord. Amen.
Love, Mymom
Friendship
Good relationships start with good communication
In order to have a good relationship, you have to be able to talk with the other person in your relationship. You share your feelings, your hopes, your dreams. You share the very best of yourself in a vulnerable way. Never assume that you understand, always check for meaning and respect what you hear as confidential and vulnerable. Take good care of each other’s words. Sometimes you’ll need to vent. Always clarify that you are venting and you don’t need a solution to any problem, you are just venting. When you feel angry, say so and ask for time to yourself to regroup and compose yourself. Continuing an angry conversation is not likely to turn out well. Communication is two way. It includes speaking and listening. Remember to breathe and have courage.
Your relationships with people will be better if you develop your relationship with God through prayer and listening. Ask God to help you with your words and to help you listen to understand. Pray in the moment for your conversation. God, give us the words we need to share.
Your relationships with people will be better if you look at your interior self talk. Do you speak kindly to yourself? Do you take care of yourself through prayer and time with God? Do you eat right, exercise, and rest? I heard recently of a priest giving a penance of taking a nap to someone who was struggling in a relationship and mentioned their concerns during reconciliation. Great idea! Take care of yourself and your communication with others will be better. Avoid acting like a tired two year old.
There have been many times in my marriage when my communication with my husband and/or my children was like that of a tired two year old. I wasn’t at my best but rather at my worst. Here is where forgiveness comes into play. We won’t always be at or best and we need to try to listen for understanding and be loving and forgiving. We need to say we are sorry and ask for forgiveness. Then we need to plan a better time and try again. Keep communicating, keep trying. Share a list of items you want to discuss in advance so that you can both think through your thoughts and be prepared for open communication.
Let us pray, oh God, please bless our communication with each other. Help us to listen and hear with ears of love, understanding, and forgiveness. Help us to speak with kindness and clarity as we seek to be understood. Help us not to blame. Help us in all our communication through Jesus our Lord. Amen.
Love, Mymom
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New Friends
I recently was in Nashville pursuing my dream of writing by attending a workshop called Shaking your Tree given by Patsy and Danya Clairmont. I had the good fortune to meet someone I hope becomes a dear friend. Her name is Cheryl and she is a writer too. Cheryl responded to the call from Danya to offer me a ride from the hotel to and from Patsy’s house for the two sessions that we attended together. Cheryl answered the call and a new friendship is born. That is how it is. Our lives are interconnected. You will meet so many people in your life. Some will be with you always and some for just a moment. Be kind and loving. Be generous in offering yourself just in case this friend will be the one to walk with you on the rest if your journey. To Cheryl, Patsy, Les, Danya, Karen, and the other women who attended the Shaking Your Tree workshop. Welcome. Join me in my journey. Dear Heavenly Father, help us each to have a welcoming spirit. Thank you for each of these people I met in the workshop you fashioned just for me. Thank you for Patsy and for Danya for their sharing of their gifts to help us share ours. Help each of us to see the new friends that you put in our paths and protect each of us from harm. I pray for all of our intentions through Jesus Christ our Heavenly Lord. Amen.
Love,
Mymom
Advice From MyMom 